April 21, 2022

Freedom From Shame (Part 1)

What do we do with shame? How do we deal with it? Where can we find freedom from it and why does it seem to drive most of our lives?

Do you or someone you know close to you struggle with shame? I think if we are honest, we'd all admit that at the center of our being, pre-relationship with Christ is a challenge around our ability to overcome feelings of shame. The Father wants us to be known differently. Not known simply by others, but by ourselves. It is this understanding, this knowing, of ourselves that the Father gives us when we are adopted into His family, through Jesus Christ, the Son. (Galatians 4, I John 3) Christ came to set us free from the law of sin and death and to begin a reconciliation of all things to God. (Romans 8, Colossians 1) Sometimes, before we understand these truths about the work of Jesus to set us free, we can get sidetracked and begin to try to address shame in our own ways. Certainly, this effort is going on in most people, whether they recognize it or not.

Fighting against shame takes many forms.  Running from shame requires almost as much creativity.

God has placed inside of us a conscience - Read Romans 2.  Even those who don't have the law are subject to it and their conscience will tell them what is wrong.  There is a type of shame that can be healthy, and lead us into a sober assessment of ourselves and to a changing of our way, of our thinking, and receiving of the truth in Christ.  Paul talked about this in 2 Corinthians 7.

Everyone is under the Law of Sin and Death prior to receiving Christ and undoing it. (Romans 8)

Here are some of the ways that a person deals with the shame that comes from our consciences and from others.  This type of shame can crush us and creates additional sin.  Shame filled people create shame in others if they can, in order to share in the misery.  So, let's look at some ways in which people deal with shame, and offer an alternative near the end of this discussion.

What happens when we experience shame? What do we do? How do we deal with it? See below to find our personal responses followed by the ones our society and culture have offered. Read on to the end to find the Answer to this problem of shame.

Personal Response 1: We explain away, justify, defend

We go through a self-justification for our choice that is causing shame in our hearts:

  1. Why did I choose that way?  – Listing the justifications, the reasons, the blames
  2. Its not that bad – Listing in our hearts the comparisons, the relativity of it all
  3. I’m just wired this way – I didn’t choose to cause myself shame, it just happens because that is the way I’m made
  4. I didn’t choose this sin, it was demonic, or was the devil himself that did the sin and then wanted me to own it.

Personal Response 2: We turn outward and blame and explain

Then, we turn outward and attempt to externalize why we feel this shame:

  1. What other factors made me this way?  – Parents, Culture, Upbringing, History, etc.
  2. It must be ________  that is causing me to feel this shame  (Filled in with a person, system, The Devil, belief, or truth)
  3. My circumstance is unique and I must be feeling this shame because ___________  and no one else has ever probably suffered shame like this.  Come up with something no one else has ever said, but is irrefutable.

Personal Response 3: We internalize the shame into our identity

We may internalize the shame, and own it as our identity:

  1. First we may make sure we are unlovable – Putting up a defensive shield around ourselves and keeping others away and insuring that they won’t love us. 
    1. If I am unlovable, it will reinforce what I have believed about my identity
    2. If someone rejects me because of my unlovable-ness, it allows me to say “See- I told you so…”
    3. I refuse to be loved, because it may begin to break the lies I believe about myself
  2. If I did this, I must be evil
  3. If I am evil, I may be unredeemable
  4. If I am unredeemable, nothing matters
  5. If nothing matters – I can either sin without remorse, or I should just die (sometimes cycling between both thoughts)